Bush to Announce His Resignation!

Saturday, April 1, 2006; 7:05 AM ET

After sentencing, Bush flips a finger to the Press and the American People

WASHINGTON D.C.-- After many failures, lies, starting an illegal war, killing of innocent people, and Constitutionally illegal activities, the Supreme Court ruled that George W. Bush is guilty of high treason, murder of the first degree, various counts of felonies and misdemeanors, and breaking the Laws of the United States Constitution.

George Bush is forced to resign his régime and his self imposed status of Emperor of the United States.

Let me repeat that:

George Bush has to resign from office!

By a unanimous decision, all nine Supreme Court Justices ruled against Bush. Inside the courthouse, the citizen witnesses and the Press broke into wild applause and cheering. The applause lasted for over 45 minutes. Feelings of relief were self evident on the happy faces of the U.S. citizens, lawyers, and Justices. Only the  Conservative defense attorneys and George Bush had frowns, gloomy looks, and pouts upon their faces.

The President refused the decision of the court and responded by shooting an obscene middle-finger gesture to the Press, and tried to escape into his military helicopter. Court Security caught up with him and wrestled him to the ground before he could climb into the craft. United Press reporters were the last to see him, as he was escorted in handcuffs, wearing a bright orange guilty suit, and shuffling his chain-dragging feet into a police van.

Bush's absolute failure to manage the War of Iraq, his utter dereliction to the laws of the Constitution, the failure to protect the citizenry, his contempt for the American people, and his reliance on belief and faith instead of reason and skepticism, finally caught up with him.

After the court decided to end Bush's Presidency, they set a date for April 1, high noon, to forever sever Bush's tenure as a representative of the United. States. Bush will then announce his "resignation" to the American people. On April 23, Bush will appear before the court for final sentencing. Expert law professors predict that George Bush has only two options: either he will receive the death penalty, or he will remain in a high security prison for the rest of his life.

If he gets a life sentence he will most likely be sent to Guantánamo Bay Prison, in Cuba, where he will receive the very same torture techniques that his administration designed for "terrorists" during the Iraq War.

A prison administer insider told the Associated Press that Bush will most likely live in a tiny cell where the lights will always shine, and German Shepherds roam the halls. Prison guards will also hang portraits of Saddam Hussain, Osama bin Laden, and Bill Clinton on his cell wall where he will have to stare at them for the rest of his life.

If the ex-Commander-and-Chief receives the death penalty, the prosecutors will petition the Supreme Court to sentence Bush with an exposure to depleted uranium where he will slowly die, just as the millions of humans will die due to Bush's decision to allow spread of this toxic and radioactive substance throughout the world.

Far-Right-Wing-Christian Conservatives are trying to fight for Bush's life, suggesting that he resign, but sentencing him to his home in Texas, instead, where he can spend the rest of his life playing golf, shooting birds, and getting drunk. "As long as Bush stays away from politics, and remains distant to the American people, he can live out his life in solitude," the conservatives said. If this appeal doesn't work, his attorneys will try to convince the court that George Bush is insane and had no awareness of what he was doing.

Regardless of how the Supreme Court decides to sentence him, the great news around the world will be the relief and happiness felt, and that this war criminal can no longer influence the world and cause danger to it.

More news to follow...

Oh how wonderful that would be, except for the fact that Dick "Fuck You" Cheney would be our next president.

April 1st, 2006

News item filed by cub-reporter, Jim Walker.
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